The Slurpees at the 7-11 in downtown manhattan are pretty awful. The machines are seldom cleaned but the flavors often changed, yielding banana flavored Mountain Dew and other terrible tastes. One clerk actually had the nerve to claim the the varieties tasted mixed because the machines leaked into one another, a lie which if true must violate health codes. I also suspect that they dilute the mixes with far too much water or something, as halfway through a cup the Slurpee will be drained white as a cave lobster.
It's a cut-rate joint, in my opinion, and not a benefactor of the Brave New World of faux health food classiness that 7-11 adopted during it's Manhattan invasion. I loath being forced to go there, victim of corporate oppressors holding the sole keys of the Slurpee kingdom.
Actually no, I don't blame the corporation - I curse the lazy, corner cutting owners of that particular store. But last visit I suppose I was a victim of heartless corporation savagery. A hard tale, but I share with you the nightmare story of...
The Buffalo Chicken Roller!
WhooOOOooo. Yuuuucky ghost... I didn't know these rollers existed and was slipped one in place of a tacquito treat. The initial bite was a shock, the sort of surprise a bath house frequentor might experience if a strangers penis lacked its normal crunchy, deep fried shell and instead was confronted with a squishy hot dog. The horrible thing tasted like warmed Vienna sausage but was even more lacking in snap or texture. Or maybe it was like an Oscar Meyer take in a banger.
My first bite had me recoiling in horror, and it's hard to recoil from something in your mouth as it comes along with you - it's like trying to outrun your toupee. And it tasted like Buffalo flavored awful.
My first thought was that I had been delivered an improperly cooked food item and was poisoned. Then the roller vs tacquito conversation replayed in my mind, flashback style but in slow motion horror "you'll shoot your eye out kid" Santa-from-A-Christmas-Story style. Pride forbade my returning the thing so I toughed it out.
And I ate it. I did it, a small victory but never again. Never again.
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