Sunday, August 15, 2010

He don't drink beer

"Look man, you've got it all backwards..."

Reader "Brian from Poisonedville, OR" doesn't seem to like Fentiman's Ginger Beer. Or maybe he loves it and his webcam still shows him making the soft drink equivalent of an air guitar face. He shouldn't make that sort of grimace with a nose that obviously attached by plastic surgeons, especially not inept plastic surgeons. It's likely to pop off.

I truly wish that the Fentiman's people would be forced to make a drink that was alcohol free. This shit should not be available to minors.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Sarcasm tastes bad

Oh loooooook! Tim finally put up a new post.
Let's throw a party and show our sarcastic support
by sending him a still frame of our blog tracker thing.
Ohhh lookit that! Tim actually did something.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Cherry Slurpee

Once again, a picture really isn't worth the effort. Imagine a Slurpee cup full of red crap. It isn't hard.

Now take an imaginary drink of that red crap. It's cold right? If it isn't, your imagining it wrong. Keep trying. Cold aside, the flavor you need to imagine is something foul. Focus in on burnt corn syrup and a taste of particle board. Seriously, imagine that as a drink and then add cherry syrup. It's not good. At least, it's not good for the first few drinks. That's the trick.

The cherry Slurpee tastes like crap, but like beer it numbs your mouth until you don't notice the taste. It's sort of like an unending burnt avalanche of gross which you grow accustomed to, and that lets you pick out the slighter sweet flavors. But don't stop drinking it, or you lose the numbness.

It's a similar effect to that crap Ralph and Charlie's, but realized in the opposite manner. Whereas you have to keep drinking Ralph and Charlie's to avoid the hideous perfume aftertaste, you have to keep slugging back cherry Slurpee to avoid the horrible initial taste. Ha.

Anyways, get the Mountain Dew or the Coke before you get any of the crappy fruit flavors.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Root Beer Slurpee

Photographs are a lot like Dungeons and Dragons minis. They are great for determining party order, but as soon as they go on the table you are laming out. It's a game of the imagination, dude, you should be using that time to think rather than laboring away at Hardee's so you can afford a bugbear raiding party for the next game.

So imagine a Slurpee cup full of root beer Slurpee. Got it? Now roll for surprise.

Anyways, I have no picture for the 7-11 root beer Slurpee. I could, if I so choose, use any one of the scads of Coca Cola Slurpee photos I have pinned up around my boudoir. The Coke and root beer are visually identical. However, I choose NOT to share my pornography on the internet, so you get no picture, real or fake.

Root beer Slurpee is perfectly acceptable if you like fake root beer. I think it's a branded root beer flavor, I can't remember, but either way it's a generic chemical candy root beer flavor. No goodness or reality about it, just the signifier for root beer. So, yeah, you can drink the stuff. It's cold, and it doesn't taste BAD.

And that is pretty key. It doesn't taste bad. There are two different sorts of Slurpees in the world, the "soda" flavored and the fruit flavored. Cherry Slurpee? Awful. Tastes like gross candy and corn syrup. Coke/Mountain Dew Slurpee? Not bad, not bad at all. The root beer falls in the "cola" side of the issue.

So yeah, it's okay. Get Coke, though, it's better.