Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Columbiana Kola Flavored Soda

Columbiana Kola Flavored Soda, Brooklyn Bottling, New York

My great uncle Reinhardt had
a bunch of medals like that from WWII.

Colombiana Kola Flavored Soda is a lie. There is nothing Kola flavored about this, it's that meringue flavor, that generic Hispanic mixture of bubble gum and raspberry or whatever it is. What does Kola mean in Spanish? Does it mean "blatant deception" or "meringue"?

Is that how you spell "meringue" flavor? Is that right? I think I've also seen this atrocious flavor called "champagne", but that is usually in the North American versions. An awful flavor you find in the discount soda section, made by a company you've never heard of. A company that hates New Year's Eve and tried to spoil it by selling liquid noxiousness disguised as champagne.

The lies don't stop with the flavor, the distributor, too, is full of misdirection. "Imported and Distributed by Brooklyn Bottling of Milton, NY". Yeah, shooting for that Brooklyn street cred, eh? Well Milton is a long way from NYC, my friends, and I ain't buying it. That they have a Brooklyn phone number only compounds the lie.

Now I have to admit, the stuff isn't as bad as it could be. Maybe if you liked this flavor of soda you could dig Columbiana. It's sweet and not too chemical tasting, a little watery. Really carbonated, and leaves a heartburn feeling in the back of my throat. A few quick, consecutive drinks leaves me with a waxy coating on my tongue which quickly dissolves away.

Interestingly enough, the bottle is returnable in eleven states, usually it's only a couple. That's pretty neat.

I get up at the crack of dawn to drink soda for you fools.

That, my friends, is a Grade A flinch.


  1. I gotta admit, I like Colombiana. I thought it was tamarind flavored, but you're right: it's called "champagne".

  2. That is impressive, drinking that faux-Brooklyn stuff so early in the morning!

    You may have already reviewed this but do you ever come across the malt sodas? I once saw a Malta India commercial in the late 60s in NYC and was very keen to try it, so my dear parents and I spent a very hot afternoon driving around East Harlem checking the bodegas for this stuff. We found some. It was - malty.

    I sometimes see Malta Whatever soda here in Canada and think of that day.

  3. I have a couple of different malt beverages sitting in my refrigerator, leering at me when I hunt for the butter. I tried some kvass a couple of weeks ago, and was upset by it to the point that I'm not certain I have the nerve for anything that might resemble it.

  4. Why do you list this as a Mexican soda when it is made in the US?

  5. To the other anonymous - it's bottled in the US under the authority of the original company. Many sodas are bottled by companies different than their parent companies.

    As for it's taste? I like it 3 to 1 over most "creme sodas" since it isn't as sickeningly sweet. And at under a buck a bottle at my local Latino grocer, it's a good buy too!


  6. you don´t know anything about it COLOMBIANA it´s a great soda in the US it's different in colombia where it is from it´s wonderful may be you should go there and make a real try

  7. Really? you beefing on columbian soda? you have nothing else to do? that bored? life that simple? your day that complex?

  8. Its written right there on the bottle and you still managed to spell it wrong?

    top effort.