Thursday, April 30, 2009

Goya Jamaican Ginger Ale


Much like in the GTA games, the Spanish hate the Jamaicans.


Goya Jamaican Style Ginger Beer


Oh my god. It's all the burn you can ever want from a ginger beer without any of the good. Tastes like medicine mixed with jalapenos. I think that macaw on the label must have been trained by the Prince of Lies to scream "fahk you! fahk you, Tim!"

Seriously, this is horrible. Who would drink this? I once drank a novelty ginger ale that was formulated to be novelty hot, I'm not sure if it was as bad as this. The worst part is that I'm really thirsty, so I can't stop drinking it. I drink it and it burns and I drink more to quench the burning, which is like that whole quenching-a-fire-with-a-bucket-of-gasoline thing.

Help me.

Hot aside, it still tastes bad. Like discount medicine that your grandmother gives you just because she has it laying around. "Grandma, no! I don't want to take your out-of-date hormone pills!" "Now Tim, if you don't take them they'll just go to waste. Look at the fine tits on your Grandpa, don't you want some of those?"

But that's a wholly different kind of hot.

You get a half whiff of the stuff before the burning starts, and that split second of flavor is awful. Awful awful awful. It's kind of like... Kind of like some sort of cheap fruit drink mixed with alcohol and poison. And hot peppers. They're on the ingredients list.

Do not drink this crap. It goes down bad and burps up bad. I just took a pull and got distracted looking at some render settings, it sat in my mouth too long and it made me cough/gag. My mouth was full of shitwater that I didn't want to spray on my keyboard, so this cough/choke full of moist ginger ale vapors came out my nose. It hurt. Then I swallowed down the rest of the soda, and that hurt too.

Okay, no more. Down the sink and a big glass of water to flush me out.

29 comments :

  1. Welcome back to the land of the blogging.

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  2. I just drank a whole bottle of this shit as a dare to myself, which is basically a lose/lose sitatuation. It's was so hot it actually gave me a headache.

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  3. You should've just drank a whole bottle of shit.

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  4. This stuff is unbelievably great, I love it. Make a Dark N Stormy with it- its awesome!

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  5. I was payed 5 dollars to drink this disgusting, toxic waste. It was only half of the bottle, too. The sensation I experienced was the same of acid being left on the top of your mouth, as well as your throat.

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  6. I want to get paid $5 to drink sodas. Alas.

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  7. I am a 120 pound girl and I love this ginger beer. It's like getting punched in the face by ginger. Then again, I also like crystallized ginger. My current theory is that you just can't handle the heat. :)

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  8. Dude, it ain't ginger beer - it's jalapeno poop ginger ale. C'mon, you can afford better, a classy dame like you.

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  9. Just downed another one. Nom nom nom.

    -classy dame

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  10. well, I just bought this crap for .59 cents, it was the best .59 cents ever. (i'm lying of course,) the killing burning sensation is just like getting your throught tikkled by crappy soda.( this is terrible. I seriously DON'T recoment this, enphasis on the, dont.)

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  11. nobody seems to want to reply to my message... well; I guess I'm done commenting on one of the worst sodas in history.

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  12. Ha. You're not commenting on one of the worst sodas, you're commenting on one of the worst soda blogs.

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  13. Youre a pussy this stuff is awesome !!

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  14. HOLY SH**! THIS IS AS BAD AS I WAS TOLD

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  15. Tim, I agree with your review more than any other I've read so far. This stuff tastes like verps and atomic redhots. I hope my penis will be okay when I piss this stuff out.

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  16. You drank it wrong, silly :P

    First of all, it has to be icy cold. Either stick it in the fridge or put it with ice.

    Second of all, when you first open it, hold it away from your face. You'll notice a fine kind of...mist? emanating from the bottle. Blow into the bottle to get rid of it.

    Thirdly, take whole sips. This will help you get immunized/used to the cayenne. Plus, it's more soothing than tiny sips at a time. Less burn.

    Don't breath in through your nose while sipping. This will burn. You don't want the vapor in your nose, lol.

    Just a few tips...

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    Replies
    1. Are you assuming that I drank it at room temperature?

      But: Yeah, getting the carbon dioxide out of the bottle is crucial with all bottle drinks and fountain sodas.

      But, no. This stuff is cheap and awful.

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  17. OMG!! I so agree with you. After one tiny sip, I actually went online to make sure it wasn't on a recall. I thought there was something wrong with my bottle. I am still burning and I also chased it down with water.

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    Replies
    1. If only I'd been there to throw myself on the handgrenade.

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  18. My husband just bought this on a whim and we are both hurting from just one pansy sip ten minutes ago. I thought something was wrong with it so I looked it up and found this blog. I'm using the rest as weed killer in the garden. Holy crap. Thanks for the post!

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  19. I love it.. and I make a perfect copy of it at home and my family loves to drink it at get togethers. you review blows

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure your whole family blows to get money for real soda.

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  20. Weird. I chased mine with a Toblerone chocolate bar. The drink has capsicum in it!! That should be good for me in some way, right?

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    1. Chasing chocolate with soda usually winds up with a fizzy mouth mess, see previous poster for examples of "fizzy mouth mess".

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  21. i like it, i does burn a bit, but its great if you have a toothache or mouth sore, the ginger and the capsicum are natural anti-inflammatory agents

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  22. I love it. One supermarket carries it in a few locations for .99 a bottle, I make special trips just for it. If you think Goya is bad, try Reeds. It tastes like they used fresh ginger right out of the ground, with no prep or washing of the root. Either that or they use Jamaican sewage instead of water.

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  23. I just had some Goya Ginger Ale, so spicy, I had to hold my breath while I drank it, as the fumes burned my nostrals. Had put some Jack Daniels in it, and the ginger totally dominated it. I like it though, they say ginger is good for the stomach.

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