Monday, August 3, 2009

Ralph and Charlie's Green Apple and Kiwi Pineapple Juice



My hand isn't to scale.



Ralph and Charlie's Green Apple and Kiwi Pineapple Juice

This is a drink fraught with contradictions - it tastes watery and thick, all at once. It's a little bit sour like a green apple, but in a way they isn't very convincing, as if pineapple was wearing a cheap green apple costume it rented from a discount masquerade shop.


The juice matches my teeth.


I just realized why this stuff strikes me as gross, even though it really isn't... It's the consistency of milk. It has the thickness and viscousity of 2%, and the mouthy aftercoat of fat free. I shit you not, it's identical.

With all my willpower I will push that horrid realization aside and focus on the taste. It really is pretty good, few manufactured flavors go out of the bounds of decency faster than green apple. It's like some guy in a fancy suit says "Make me an X that tastes like green apple" and the flavor chemist says "Oh, you want something that tastes like green apple Jolly Ranchers". In a just universe the chemist would be beaten and have his taste buds shaved off with a planer. Sadly, in our universe the suit guy would nod just dumbly as he dreams about his new sports car-

"Of course".

This stuff doesn't taste like Jolly Rancher's.

The label says it's "naturally turbid", a word my iPhone insists should be turbo. iPhones show an uncanny wisdom at times. The label also calls it an "everyday beverage", I am a little uncertain what that means. Maybe it's like writing "Consumer Loyalty" right on the box.

Oh no! Corn syrup! C'mon Ralph, charlie! I am ashamed of you both. It says "sugar (A) and/or glucose - fructose syrup (B)". That means corn syrup, right? Right? I'll cheat and look it up... Yep, generally means corn syrup in disguise.

Bummer.

Anyways, I drank it, hated it at first, got over it, sort of liked it, then didn't finish it. That's the big measure, if I finish the drink or not. And I didn't, so there.

28 comments :

  1. Ralph & Charlies Juice Drink is the best tasting beverage I had in a long long time. The Green Apple Kiwi Pineapple is delicious, Ruby Red Grapefruit Pomegranate is unbelievably tasty. I buy this stuff by the case at my local Gristedes Store. I want more RC Juice now ! Ralph & Charlies for president ! you have my vote - the best beverage on the market, hands down !

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  2. I drink the Multi-vitamin infusion every morning! I like the 8 grams of fiber in my daily intake. The Green Apple Kiwi Pineapple is actually very refreshing. I don't understand what the first guy was talking about. I love the product.

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  3. Does anyone have a web page for Ralph and Charlie's? I can't seem to find any info on them online. I'd like to find out what other swell drinks they have.

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  4. go to ralphandcharlies.com

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  5. Why is my blog listing the first thing to appear on a Google search on Ralph and Charlies? Their own website doesn't even show up.

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  6. RALPH AND CHARLIES NOW ON SALE AT MORTON WILLIAMS ASSOCIATED. LOOK FOR THE FOLLOWING LOCATIONS NOW SELLING RC JUICE, FOOD EMPORIUM, KEY FOOD, GRISTEDES, FAIRWAY MKT, WEST SIDE MKT, AND FOOD TOWN. OVER 3,000 MOM AND POP STORES AND BAGEL STORES SELLING RALPH & CHARLIES JUICE. JUST VOTED BEST NEW PRODUCT OF 2009 BY JRC COMPANY. LOOK OUT FOR NEW FLAVORS HITTING STORES AROUND DECEMBER 15TH. ENJOY

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  7. Does anyone out there have a corporate contact number for Ralph and Charlie's? I have some questions I'd like to ask.

    It'll help make for some more awesome reviews.

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  8. Ralph and Charlies tastes aaammmaaazzzinnggg

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  9. I dunno, I had some a little while ago and it tasted a little odd. Then I had another one and it tasted great, the orang one. Both were orang. Why is that? A

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  10. RALPH AND CHARLIES WILL BE ON SALE AROUND DEC 15TH! SOURCES SAY THEY WILL BE REPLACING THE CORN SYRUP WITH NATURAL CANE SUGAR!

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  11. After all this I really feel like I'm about to Ralph and Charlie.

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  12. Ralph and Charlie's carrot juice sells for an affordable $1.75, then after I tasted it I realized that it is laced with lime YUCK! I tried to email them but the website only has a phone number for you to order.There is no address either. The label just says "Brooklyn NY." For all I know they could be operating out of a filthy basement.

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  13. greAT JUICE!@!@!@

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  14. I FOUND OUT RC JUICE WON BRONZE MEDAL FROM BEVERAGE WORLD BEST PACKAGING & TASTE IN THERE OCTOBER 2009 ISSUE !!!!!!!! I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF MULI-VITAMIN!!

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  15. battafoot1@yahoo.comNovember 20, 2009 at 4:09 PM

    i just had the carrot flavour beverage i liked it very much.i am in the business of sales and would like to get some information on this topic///sale,sale,sale thats wath iam talking about. The guy at the top is trying to get the secret ingredient dont worry about him. his tastebuds are inopperable!!!!! Good looking out for Ralph & charlie....

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  16. I tried it for the first time today and the green apple kiwi pineapple all three of my faves. It was great but a little pricey. Olny will by it because it is not a big business corp. Keep up the good work and the reason it is a little thick cause it doesn't have all the ingred. that all those ofter so called juices have!!!!

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  17. wow!! Ralph and charlie arrived in Brazil! Can you believe it? I was traveling in Rio for the Carnival and found them over there!! only three flavors, but it was awesome!! Gus

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  18. Multi-Vitamin is amazing, but is the vitamin information really accurate? Does it really have 480% vitamin C in it? I drink it every time I feel like I'm coming down with a cold so I want to make sure!

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  19. mango carrot was great, i love the stuff...my girl friend said they also have a pineapple carrot,..... brooklyn in the house...looking for the pineapple carrot....

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  20. Ralph & Charlie's Green Apple Kiwi pineapple is as close to Nirvana as you're going to get while confined on this mortal plane..

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  21. There are a whole cast of Fresh Samantha type drinks that are much, much better but about twice the cost. To avoid corn syrup and perfuminess, though, I think it worth it

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  22. I love Ralph & Charlie's reen Apple Kiwi & pineapple juice the best it's wonderful.But now I'm looking to buy all of the flavors and need locations where you can purchase them by the case. Any suggestions?

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  23. this stuff is the best drinks i have had. the first guy must not know what good is. i drink it every day, now that my deli sells it. i bought it just to try it out, and i am sold. no crap in it, like the others. thay all taste great to me.i realy like them.... go on try it... keep up the great work R&C

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  24. I'm wondering if it affects anyone's opinions about this drink if they were to find out that almost all the positive comments above were from the same town, which happens to be the CEOs home town? Such is the results of my logging research...

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  25. The Ralph and Charlie's is produced in POLAND near Zdunska Wola you call it R&C, but really, this juice is everywhere in the world in the revised label. I do not know how in America, but in Poland it costs about 3 zł, which in dollar terms less than $ 0.80. This juice isn't popular in Poland, because is not healthy human. Only water and TYMBARK.

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  26. yeah, these "juice" drinks from R&C aren't even juice at all. they're made from pomace, which is what's left from the fruit AFTER THE JUICE IS EXTRACTED! they just mix the shit up with water and corn syrup i'm guessing lol.

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