Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Brain Wash, by Skeleteens

Brain Wash, by Skeleteens



This skull tells lies.



Look at the splattering of red goo in the divot under my nose. There's nothing wholesome about that.


Even my wife doesn't like it, and she hates everything.


Wow, this stuff is awful. It's like carbonated cough syrup without the alchohol. But in a bad way, because I like the taste of cough syrup. It tastes like a sour grimace, made incarnate. It tastes like a half-vomit, full of herbs and spices. The taste is partly cherry, but too too much cherry. I love fake cherry syrup, I never thought there could be too much of it.



Look at the picture, the bottle is actually stained red from the soda and has funky stain mark where the soda level was. Look at my tongue, that's after three swigs.



To top off the too much cherry, there is a stew of other shit in there - the generic energy drink herbs. They add lots of flavor, all bad. A burning shit flavor, the oral equivalent of an onion and jalapeno flux. And I mean it literally burns, not with just the burned wheat flavor so common in corn syrup sodas. My throat is still burning five minutes after my last drink.

I don't know how a drink with a skull on the label can go so wrong. Let's read a few of the sayings off the label:

"Gets rid of all the garbage they've been dumping in your mind"

"Helps relieve extreme mental overload"

"This may be your only way out!"

"We want you for life"

The manufacturer is Skeleteens of Los Angeles. Are teens really going to drink this crap? Won't the hokey phrases on the label chase them off? Can you get much more "square" than that? Do kids today really hate themselves this much?

I can't drink this without making that gagging cough noise, a sort of mix between a breathy "hoooo" and a "Caaa" and a "God I wish I'd died opening the bottle". Maybe something went horribly wrong with the Benzoate that added to preserve flavor. Or maybe I'm not used to drinking soda's with sage in the ingredients list.

This is easily the worst soda yet. My only hope is that Australians will occupy our country and convert the Skeleteens puke factory into a kangaroo flavored ginger beer plant.

The last third of the bottle went down the sink.


PS. The next day my poop was off-pink. It can only be because of the hideous dye content of this soda. As awesome as pink poop is, it doesn't justify the foul beverage itself.

PPS. I found out since writing this that the Skeleteens company has died. While I always support alternatives to major brands, I weep no tears in this case.

20 comments :

  1. I love the pics--I laughed until I almost peed!!
    Thanks for the info about Skeleteens, it used to be widely available here in San Antonio.

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  2. I tried the blue version of this stuff. It tasted like carbonated pickle juice and burned my throat on the way down (presumably from the jalepeno juice).

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  3. The blue version made my poop a bright bluish greenish color for over a week. I regret drinking the whole bottle.

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  4. God only knows how old that bottle was. I remember drinking that shit back in the mid-90's before anyone knew what an energy drink was. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't anything special either.

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  5. My brother and I just tried the blue one for fun. My throat is still burning, and thanks to your heads up I get to look forward to blue poop for the next few days. There are some things no human should be subject to ingest.

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  6. OMG! We just tried the BLUE version, and are now laughing... only after a few days of trauma therapy. We took pictures as we were pouring it down the sick, and noticed that the liquid was the same color as Dawn dishwashing soap!! I think I'd rather drink the Dawn :)

    We loved your post. Thanks! (laughing along with ya...)

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  7. I was so scared to drink this stuff. I bought it "yes because of the skull on the label" but then looked it up before I opened it and was scared to open it. I have the blue version by the way. They must have changed the taste of these things because I was surprised it wasn't horrible. Actually it is ok. Taste kind of sour and lemon like. The only strange thing is that me and my son noticed that our mouths were watering for no reason after the drink... It is ok... will now move on to the Black Lemonade.

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  8. I LOVE BRAINWASH soda, it kicks ass! most of you are crazy.

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  9. you guys who hate it are liers!!!! Brainwash is the awesomest, best tasting soda there is. U who tried the blue, LUUUCKY

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  10. -The WeepingDevil

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  11. OKAY! MY BOYFRIEND AND I JUST DRANK THIS "CRAP" (which is really awesome) FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND DUUUDE!!!!!!!! dude, dude, dude, seriously! SEER-EEE-OUS-LEEEEE!!!!! OH MY GOD, IT BERNED MY NOSE, AND THROAT, BUT IT WAS SO (insert bad word here) AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am MAD that they dont make it much anymore. >_< anyways....

    DRINK IT!

    ASPECUALLY IF YOUR A WEIRD PERSON. :)

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  12. that stuff is band from the usa of america

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    Replies
    1. then how did i buy it in the USA? (usa of america?)

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    2. Yeah I bought it in Oklahoma at pops66

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  13. i hate this crap man it gave me such a suggaer rush its worst than monster and red bull put together

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  14. I loved this stuff!...Wow that was so long ago! What was the coolest thing about it though was that it turned your poo and pee blue for like days after you drank it. Obviously that much food colouring can't be great for you! haha But blue poo?!....amazing! At least when I was younger I thought it was! haha!

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  15. I like just saw it it's good

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  16. you guys are pathetic that stuffs amazing!

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  17. Oh crap, it looks like this stuff might be for sale again: http://www.realsoda.net/11-skeleteens

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