Saturday, February 21, 2009

Stala Orange Drink

This mind bogglingly scary advert was on the outside of the place
I bought the Stala. It's like the Silent Hill franchise
went into pushing ice cream.

Ho hum, another dumb soda.

Those are all mediocre games there on the shelf behind me.
Except Empire Builder and British Rails, I guess.
Crayon train games rock.

Why, this is delightful!

Stala, Gaseous Refreshment

This stuff is so good, that I almost glugged it all down before scrambling to my computer to write a review. It's like the best orange juice in the world and the best soft drink in the world had sex, and not "and they had a baby" sex but "sex on video I downloaded from the internet and my Mom found it and took my internet away and made me see Dr Stan" sex. This stuff is marvelous, incredible, stupendous. I'm falling all over myself trying to think of how describe it. I'm doing other things to myself while I'm thinking of it, but Google will take away my advertising if I get too specific.

I don't think I can really improve on the above description, except to say that in my special case the stuff was also well seasoned with dread. I've had other Greek drinks, specifically from the Loux company, which tasted a lot like a "lou" or however British people spell their toilet abbreviation. Loux made me ill, I was expecting the worst when I drank Stala. So it wasn't just delicious, it was a reprieve.

I take a few more pulls and stare intently at the bottle, I'm feeling for some hidden foulness, some chemical taint deep in the back of the drink. I'd settle for a foul aftertaste, or maybe a loose human tooth rattling around in the bottle. But I ain't getting none of it. Stala is perfect.


The ingredients are: Pure orange juice, Spring water, Sugar, Aromatic flavorings, Citric acid, Benzoic sodium, Sorbic potassium.

My word, what a beautiful ingredients list. It shines like an angel from heaven bearing a pardon from the governor on a plate made of barbecued ribs.

What pushes me even further into the heights of unadulterated joy are two little words on the front of the bottle: "Gaseous Refreshment". It's like being on a date with a beautiful woman who puts in a Three Stooges DVD to "set the mood". A divine drink with a phrase best enjoyed as a verb right there on the label.

After experiencing this drink, I finally understand the movie Rocky I. I understand his pain and I weep.

While trying to get an interesting photo of the my cat
and the bottle together, I tilted the bottle too far back
and all the sticky backwash ran down my arm and onto the floor.
At least I assume that's why the floor under
my computer desk is sticky.

Edit: Since writing this review, I stopped by the Greek grocers and picked up some more Stala for a party. The Stala wasn't half as good on the second go-round, a real disappointment. That said, I'm pretty sure that this was a different batch of the stuff - the refrigerator case had been almost empty the last time I was there and was overflowing on my second visit. Sodas heavy in fruit juice are often a little erratic in flavor, that's the reason Coke and Pepsi are such chemical nightmares - they had to replace seasonal things like lemon juice with chemistry independent of the sun.



  1. I think your article are poorly written and very sexist.

  2. You have it sort of backwards, I myself am poorly written and the language itself is sexist.

  3. I just tried this at a Gyro place. Your review is accurate.

  4. I think you mispronounced "gyro".