Sunday, September 28, 2008

Faygo Moon Mist

Trip to Michigan, Part III

Oh sweet door to the past,
I do not even know I stand in your threshold...

This is what Faygo Moon Mist might look like
if it was shot close up and sort of blurry.

That barcode is the soda equivalent of a "tramp stamp".
I hope by mentioning tattoos I will make my blog more popular.
Seriously. This guy gets like a million hits a day and I get
an average of two and half.

That white safety sash identifies me as Hall Monitor. So look out.

There! See it! I'm being haunted by the past.

Faygo Moon Mist

I had to ponder for a bit before I could place the taste of Faygo Moon Mist. It was distinctly different from the Rock Mist soda I'd drank minutes before. There was something haunting about it, something that touched me deep in my earliest memories...

Then I realized it tasted just like Mello-Yello, the feisty Mountain Dew imitator of my childhood. The soda that back alley vending machines would sometimes drop in your hand instead of a Mountain Dew, when you'd have to say "At least it isn't a 7-Up."

Faygo Moon Mist, by far, has the best name of any drink I've tried so far. Moooooon Mist. That's cool, except that the moon doesn't have mist. I read a science fiction story in which the moon had incredibly fine particles of dust which fluffed up under the astronauts boots. These tricky particles then adhered to the astronauts visors via the voodoo of static electricity, putting the poor explorers in quite a pickle. They couldn't just wipe the dust off, as it was incredibly abrasive and would scratch their visors to opaqueness. They couldn't walk home, because the couldn't see. And they couldn't call for help because the author was mean.

I'm sure if those astronauts had Faygo Moon Mist, they could've just poured it on their visors and washed the dust off. The game master would ask, "Wait, do you have Faygo Moon Mist written down on your character sheet?" to which one of the players would lie and say yes. Cheating astronauts. They don't deserve to go back to the moon.

So yes, Faygo Mooooooon Mist tastes like Mello-Yello. But with a difference, albeit a minor one. Faygo Moon Mist leaves a strange, waxy feeling in my mouth, like I'd been eating a candle. A plain, waxy candle, not the kind impregnated with rose petals and crap. Maybe like a candle shaped like a little wizard holding a crystal ball, the kind your not supposed to light but just look at.

Good stuff, if I lived in one of the backwards states that offered Faygo I'd drink this. Except that I don't drink caffeiney drinks, so I would instead slip a full bottle into bed with me and just cuddle it.


  1. Thanks for the link, Tim! I've been meaning to add SDR,EAN to the blogroll, and this lit a fire under my ass!

    I wish you luck in your quest for the ultimate soda.

  2. Ain't necessary, as I am pretty far off topic for your blog. But thanks either way.
    I assume SDR,EAN was some sort of mistyping of my blogs name, and not a clever obfuscation in which you actually add SDR,EAN - a Welsh language whiskey blog.

  3. this guy is a bonerJune 15, 2011 at 11:43 PM

    You described nothing about this soda, it seems you got the idea that people might care about your life mixed up with it though. Sloppy writing wtf were you talking about half the time? You get your scientific moon mist information from a science FICTION book you are kidding right? lol I wrote this to tell you not to write anymore, nothing about this was clever... just a million tons of fail. My elbow skin has more interesting stories than you.

    1. I salute the dude who looks online for serious reviews of soft drinks. "Oh boy, that bottle of pop costs thirty cents, I better go and do some research to see what it's going to taste like. To the library internet station!"

  4. You are cute. I <3 your beard. Thanks for the explanation of Moon Mist. I just heard about it on an episode of Workaholics and had to find out what it was about.

    1. I saw that too. I think it was a "Juggalo" episode, right?

      And I'm not cute, I'm handsome.

  5. Have no interest in moon mist or whatever it was called but your blog made me laugh on a boring sunday morning!

    1. God is so going to fuck you up for not being at church.