Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Natakhtari Graps

Natakhtari Graps

Funny talk side...

...still funny talk. Except for that typo there,
they wrote "Graps" when they meant "Craps".

In my country, soft drinks drink YOU!

Okay, you got me. Very funny.
What is this stuff really?

The first thing one realizes when the first drop of Natakhtari Graps touches the tongue is that a game is afoot. You have mere moments to chug down the entire bottle before your body begins to react to the syrupy sweet stuff in a negative way, producing .5L bottle sized white blood cells ready to sally out and absorb the beast.

Sadly, I cannot gamely accept this challenge. I must go slow and mull over each mouthful, balanced on the razor's edge of joy and revulsion. This is a difficult drink to understand, and not just because of the funny talk on the label. This is the bastard brother of the Sangria I tasted earlier, its the brother with the oddly shaped head. The brother who plays in the backyard because they won't let him in the front. His sickly sweet smile, well-intentioned though it may be, makes everyone uncomfortable.

I'm uncomfortable drinking this stuff right now. I wish I didn't have to do it. It tastes like grapes, but not the kind of grapes that hang around with the nice kids. It leaves an aftertaste of pure utility, grape shaped footprints that are a little too perfect. Both perfect footprints are leading through the snow and into the dark, dark woods, no doubt leading into a trap.

Know ye, that this is a "drink" and not a soda. There's no carbonation, not even a bit. A little bit of fizz might've gone a long way to help this stuff out. I can't read the ingredients list, so who knows if this stuff is sweetened with sugar or corn syrup or anti-freeze.

Regardless, you know that it is "100% Quality" because the label says so. Good to know. It's also "BEST BEFORE END: See Cap". Also good to know. The cap was unable to offer up any more information about the "END", though. It keeps its secrets well.

I bought this while in Midwood just off the Q train, Di Fara's pizza. A friend of mine took me there and we accounted for one pizza between us. Amazing, amazing pizza - a little burned, really oily, etc. Wandering around the Jewish neighborhood afterwards, I found this and some other drinks that went in the refrigerator, filed away for the future. The man behind the counter told us Natakhtari is a Georgian drink, which immediately made me feel bad. But not as bad as the drink itself did.

I can't read the label, but I'm glad they included a little picture
of a guy throwing this crap away.

In cartoons it's funny, in real life not so much.
(screen capture stolen from here)

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